Mama and Papa. Circa 1985.
My mother died this week.
It is a bittersweet moment. She was ninety-eight years old, in poor health and in a lot of pain. The last time I saw her, she begged for death to take her. At least now she is at peace.
But she wasn’t always that way. When I was young, she was a pretty, vibrant woman.
Papa was a fisherman in a dying industry. He kept going out on fishing trips and returning with little or no catch. He was hemorrhaging money.
Finally, she said, “enough.” She told him that if he went out on another trip, she and the kids wouldn’t be there when he got back. That changed the dynamic in our family. She told him, “Until you can start supporting this family, I am in charge.”
From that point on, Mama was the head of the family.
Papa wanted to escape Southern California. Together they decided to move to Eugene, Oregon. I grew up there.
On October 2nd, 1962, when I was eleven years-old, my sister was killed in a boating accident.
My cousin Tony and his wife, Rose, came up to Oregon to visit us. Tony wanted to go deep sea fishing. We drove to Winchester Bay to charter a sport fishing boat. It was late in the season and the charter boats were all done for the year. We stopped in a café for breakfast and Mama asked the waitress if she knew of any charter boats still running.
The waitress pointed to a man at the counter and said, “That’s Adam, he’s a charter boat skipper. Let me ask him is he wants to take out another group.”
She did and he did. We drove to the dock and met at the Velorous II. Adam brought seven friends who he had promised a trip to with him.
It is a bittersweet moment. She was ninety-eight years old, in poor health and in a lot of pain. The last time I saw her, she begged for death to take her. At least now she is at peace.
But she wasn’t always that way. When I was young, she was a pretty, vibrant woman.
Papa was a fisherman in a dying industry. He kept going out on fishing trips and returning with little or no catch. He was hemorrhaging money.
Finally, she said, “enough.” She told him that if he went out on another trip, she and the kids wouldn’t be there when he got back. That changed the dynamic in our family. She told him, “Until you can start supporting this family, I am in charge.”
From that point on, Mama was the head of the family.
Papa wanted to escape Southern California. Together they decided to move to Eugene, Oregon. I grew up there.
On October 2nd, 1962, when I was eleven years-old, my sister was killed in a boating accident.
My cousin Tony and his wife, Rose, came up to Oregon to visit us. Tony wanted to go deep sea fishing. We drove to Winchester Bay to charter a sport fishing boat. It was late in the season and the charter boats were all done for the year. We stopped in a café for breakfast and Mama asked the waitress if she knew of any charter boats still running.
The waitress pointed to a man at the counter and said, “That’s Adam, he’s a charter boat skipper. Let me ask him is he wants to take out another group.”
She did and he did. We drove to the dock and met at the Velorous II. Adam brought seven friends who he had promised a trip to with him.
Mama with an albacore tuna. Circa 1945.
Mama and Abuelita decided to stay on shore and take care of my brothers, Jon and Jim. Quita, Tony, Rose, and I went out.
We fished for several hours, and I was the only one who caught anything. The tide was turning, and it was time to head in. Adam’s friends were all up in arms because they hadn’t caught anything. He decided to stay out and keep fishing. That was a fatal mistake.
The skipper and his deck hand kept going down to the cabin and drinking from a bottle of liquor. By the time we headed in, they were not steady on their feet.
We tried to cross the river bar against the tide. I now know that it was suicide. At the time I knew nothing. We made a run for the harbor. Giant waves were crashing against the shore as the outflowing river met the in flowing tide.
I looked up to see a giant wave hanging over us. Then it crashed down. I was in the water. I seemed to go down and down forever. I hit the bottom and pushed myself up. I managed to fight my way back to the surface.
Quita was there. She panicked. I tried to get to her, but another wave hit us and we were thrown under water again. When I made it to the surface, something was clinging to my legs. It was Quita. She was pulling me down. I panicked and kicked her free from me. I never saw her again.
When next I came up, my cousin Tony was there. He had a piece of plywood to support him. I found a couple of 2X4s to try to keep me above water. It was hopeless.
Then Tony and I saw a life jacket at the same time. We both swam for it. He got there first. Before that day, I couldn’t swim, but I managed to teach myself when the chips were down.
Tony got the life jacket and put it on. I was furious. I was a kid. Wasn’t he supposed to take care of me. I should have gotten the life jacket.
He gave me his piece of plywood to keep me afloat.
We started to swim toward the jetty. I have no idea how far it was, but it seemed like miles.
I kept telling him that I couldn’t go on. He called me every name in the book and forced me to keep going. I wouldn’t be here today if not for him.
After what felt like a lifetime in the water, we approached the jetty.
Two men were working on the jetty with a huge piece of excavating equipment. The men saw us and helped us out of the water. They took me up into the cab of their machine and covered me with a blanket and gave me a cup of hot chocolate.
We fished for several hours, and I was the only one who caught anything. The tide was turning, and it was time to head in. Adam’s friends were all up in arms because they hadn’t caught anything. He decided to stay out and keep fishing. That was a fatal mistake.
The skipper and his deck hand kept going down to the cabin and drinking from a bottle of liquor. By the time we headed in, they were not steady on their feet.
We tried to cross the river bar against the tide. I now know that it was suicide. At the time I knew nothing. We made a run for the harbor. Giant waves were crashing against the shore as the outflowing river met the in flowing tide.
I looked up to see a giant wave hanging over us. Then it crashed down. I was in the water. I seemed to go down and down forever. I hit the bottom and pushed myself up. I managed to fight my way back to the surface.
Quita was there. She panicked. I tried to get to her, but another wave hit us and we were thrown under water again. When I made it to the surface, something was clinging to my legs. It was Quita. She was pulling me down. I panicked and kicked her free from me. I never saw her again.
When next I came up, my cousin Tony was there. He had a piece of plywood to support him. I found a couple of 2X4s to try to keep me above water. It was hopeless.
Then Tony and I saw a life jacket at the same time. We both swam for it. He got there first. Before that day, I couldn’t swim, but I managed to teach myself when the chips were down.
Tony got the life jacket and put it on. I was furious. I was a kid. Wasn’t he supposed to take care of me. I should have gotten the life jacket.
He gave me his piece of plywood to keep me afloat.
We started to swim toward the jetty. I have no idea how far it was, but it seemed like miles.
I kept telling him that I couldn’t go on. He called me every name in the book and forced me to keep going. I wouldn’t be here today if not for him.
After what felt like a lifetime in the water, we approached the jetty.
Two men were working on the jetty with a huge piece of excavating equipment. The men saw us and helped us out of the water. They took me up into the cab of their machine and covered me with a blanket and gave me a cup of hot chocolate.
Mama and Papa at a party in 1957
Then the ambulance came. There was no hospital in Winchester Bay, so the ambulance took us to Reedsport.
Tony was on a stretcher in the back. He had dislocated his shoulder. They let me sit up front.
I had no idea how bad the accident was. They tried to keep me busy on the ride to Reedsport. They even let me turn the siren on and off.
We got to the hospital and were both admitted. Both of us had hypothermia, in addition to Tony’s injuries.
At some point during the night, they took Tony from my room. When I woke up, I was alone. Rose, Tony’s wife, was rescued and they put Tony in her room so they could be together.
When Rose came to the surface, she found a cork life raft floating near her. She climbed in and waited for help. She drifted fifty miles out to sea. A passing tugboat found her. If not for that, she would have floated on the sea forever.
In the morning, Mama and Papa were there. They bundled me in a blanket and took me to the car. As we drove home, I asked, “Where’s Quita?”
“They haven’t found her yet,” Papa said.
It was a silent ride for two hours to get home.
Back at home friends and relatives invaded our house. There were people everywhere.
The phone rang, and I answered it. It was my aunt Esther. She wanted to talk to Mama. Mama had not stopped crying since Winchester Bay. I asked Esther to tell all our relatives in Southern California not to call. Mama would call them when she was ready.
Esther asked how Quita was, and I told her they hadn’t found her yet.
My parents kept it from me. They had found Quita. She washed ashore on the beach, drowned.
That day my mother’s life and our family changed forever. I don’t think I ever saw Mama happy in the sixty years since then. She went into clinical depression and lived with it for the rest of her life.
She was a sad person. Mama and Papa blamed each other for Quita’s death. Mama blamed Papa because he wouldn’t take a day off work to come with us. If he had the accident would never have happened.
Papa blamed Mama for sending Quita out on the trip.
They fought for the rest of their lives.
They both abdicated their responsibilities as parents. I was left to raise my brothers.
I have so much more to tell you about Mama’s story, but I’ll have to save it for my next post.
In the meantime, best wishes to you all.
Tony was on a stretcher in the back. He had dislocated his shoulder. They let me sit up front.
I had no idea how bad the accident was. They tried to keep me busy on the ride to Reedsport. They even let me turn the siren on and off.
We got to the hospital and were both admitted. Both of us had hypothermia, in addition to Tony’s injuries.
At some point during the night, they took Tony from my room. When I woke up, I was alone. Rose, Tony’s wife, was rescued and they put Tony in her room so they could be together.
When Rose came to the surface, she found a cork life raft floating near her. She climbed in and waited for help. She drifted fifty miles out to sea. A passing tugboat found her. If not for that, she would have floated on the sea forever.
In the morning, Mama and Papa were there. They bundled me in a blanket and took me to the car. As we drove home, I asked, “Where’s Quita?”
“They haven’t found her yet,” Papa said.
It was a silent ride for two hours to get home.
Back at home friends and relatives invaded our house. There were people everywhere.
The phone rang, and I answered it. It was my aunt Esther. She wanted to talk to Mama. Mama had not stopped crying since Winchester Bay. I asked Esther to tell all our relatives in Southern California not to call. Mama would call them when she was ready.
Esther asked how Quita was, and I told her they hadn’t found her yet.
My parents kept it from me. They had found Quita. She washed ashore on the beach, drowned.
That day my mother’s life and our family changed forever. I don’t think I ever saw Mama happy in the sixty years since then. She went into clinical depression and lived with it for the rest of her life.
She was a sad person. Mama and Papa blamed each other for Quita’s death. Mama blamed Papa because he wouldn’t take a day off work to come with us. If he had the accident would never have happened.
Papa blamed Mama for sending Quita out on the trip.
They fought for the rest of their lives.
They both abdicated their responsibilities as parents. I was left to raise my brothers.
I have so much more to tell you about Mama’s story, but I’ll have to save it for my next post.
In the meantime, best wishes to you all.
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